I saw a post written by a shy indie writer who is deathly afraid of socializing online. He's very, very shy. He wanted to know if he can make a living selling books if he's totally absent from social media of any kind, including even a website.

Here was my answer: My first job after the military was selling insurance, door-to-door basically. In person, I'm quiet when I first meet people. I've been that way all my life. Some of you who know me online might not believe that, but it's true. I'm a lurker before I'm a poster; I like to get the lay of the land before I speak up, since I don't really like the taste of shoes. I had to force myself for my insurance sales work to step outside my comfort zone and do things that made me extremely uncomfortable, like walking up to a stranger and asking her if she was having a nice day, commenting on pictures of her grandkids I saw on a mantle, discussing the weather, that kind of thing. I was only able to do that because I had someone to model after. Dewayne Keating.

The way I did it – become a different, more outgoing person – was to imagine this friend of mine, Dewayne. Dewayne was the kind of guy who could walk into a party not knowing anyone and leave as everyone's new friend. He could go up to anyone, any age, any background, and strike up a conversation. I watched him in action many times with envy in my soul. I also took mental notes. I noticed he always sized a person up real quick and then started a conversation with a question about something he thought both he and they might be interested in. He always asked open-ended questions or things that could be turned into longer conversations involving opinions.

Here was one I remember: “I'm thinking about buying a stereo. Do you guys know the best brand out there right now for a receiver? I have a small apartment.” And then after he got some answers, he said, “Why do you like that one best?” And then “Where's the best place to buy one?” and “Do you ever buy the extra warranties that come with those things?” It was magic. As soon as a person became the one giving helpful information, they lit up and got animated, happy to be talking to this stranger. A debate started in the group that gathered about stereos. When the conversation dwindled, Dewayne started another one or moved on to another group of people. He was like a conductor in a conversation symphony. He loved meeting people and was always genuinely interested in their feedback. He wasn't doing it just to BS people.

25 years after meeting Dewayne, I still can picture him working a crowd in my mind. Whenever I feel shy, I pull a Dewayne. I become him for just a few moments until that uncomfortable part passes. Once the conversation starts rolling, the scary part fades into the distance. I leave it behind in the dust, because I've found being social is fun once the fear dissipates.

It helps to have a list of conversation starters on hand: Do you live around here? Tell me about your family. Tell me about your job. What do you like to do for fun besides (whatever it is we're doing).

What does that have to do with whether a shy indie writer can live off of his writing? Well, two things:

1. You can step outside your regular self and be outgoing, just for the sake of your business. Yes, you can. You have the anonymity of the Internet and all the time you need to craft your posts, comments, etc. You are writer, and most social media is writing!

2. You can make a list of twenty topics readers like to discuss and throw them up on your social media every week or so. That will make your readers very happy and bring you the attention as a writer that you NEED in order to sell books for a living.

Can you make a living selling books while also being a recluse? Maybe. I don't know any indie writer who does that nowadays, but nothing's impossible. Do you want to increase your chances of success? Then it behooves you to treat it like a business and step outside your comfort zone.

Some inspirational quotes that always help me: Luck is where opportunity meets preparation. The universe helps those who help themselves. If you want to soar with the eagles, don't hang out with the turkeys. You miss 100% of the shots you never take. Carpe diem.